Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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