guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
