what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
