I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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