you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
