I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
