doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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