Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
