Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
