That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
