Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
