I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
