Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's never too late to be topless.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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