I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
