my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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