Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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