Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
