A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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