I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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