nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I didn't notice because vodka
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
