Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
