If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
