it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
