I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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