When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
