I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
