a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
