Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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