I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
