oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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