It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
