I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
