i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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