Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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