Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
