do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
