There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
