Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
