uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
