it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
