I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the day after is always just damage control
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Omg I joined a choir last night...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
