No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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