Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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