my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Everyone says I win the strip club
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
