Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
