can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
