i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
there is puke in my bra ... again
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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