Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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