I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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