i jhust puked up my retainher.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
