Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
