I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
